


Pity

by DownOnThePharm



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, Holo-Rimmer, Jealousy, M/M, Nano-Rimmer, Rivalry, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 19:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16624679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownOnThePharm/pseuds/DownOnThePharm
Summary: Holo-Rimmer’s thoughts regarding Nano-Rimmer after Holo-Rimmer’s return.  It’s Holo-Rimmer’s turn to speak.Warning - Holo-Rimmer is not a nice guy here.





	Pity

You hate me.

I can see it in your eyes. Our eyes. You loathe me. Hated me on sight. 

I understand. I’m actually quite sympathetic, although you would never believe that.

I’ve watched helplessly as he gazed at another version of me - of us - with adoring eyes. Another me, with wall-to-wall charisma, and a Ph.D. in being handsome and wonderful. It’s probably a mercy that I was soft-light at the time. I would cheerfully have killed the interloping git.

To you, I’m the interloper. The heroic inter-dimensional adventurer, returned to reclaim my place. The golden bastard, back to claim my prize. 

This time, it’s probably a mercy that I’m hard-light. As much as you’d no doubt like to, you can’t harm me. Being a hologram has its advantages. 

You hate me, because you think I’m stealing him from you. Nipping your blossoming relationship in the bud. Tearing him away from your arms. 

You’re wrong. 

He was never yours. He’s mine. He has always been mine.

The experiences he and I shared, the horrors we’ve witnessed, the hardships we’ve endured have forged an unbreakable bond between us. He and I share that bond. You and he do not. 

Oh, I’ll grant that he found you attractive. He was drawn to you, as you were drawn to him. I can’t fault you for that, nor for what you and he did. You are, after all, me. Well, physically, at least. He was lonely and frightened, and you were there, and one thing led to another. 

He confessed everything to me as we lay together last night. I know about the first, tentative touches. The stolen kisses on those horrible missions. The furtive lovemaking late at night in your bunk, kept nearly silent for fear of discovery. He confessed, and asked my forgiveness for you both.

Neither of you need my forgiveness, though. There’s nothing to forgive. 

He used you. Much as I love him, I can acknowledge that. 

You were never the one he wanted. When he approached you, he was seeking me. When he kissed you, he was tasting my lips. When he cried out your name as he came, he was calling out to me. Io help you, he used you as a substitute for me. 

Poor bastard. I don’t hate you. I pity you. 

I do envy you one thing, however.

I envy you your life. True life, not a computer-generated simulation. I envy your living, breathing, fragile human body, the body I would have had had I not died in the accident. Your smooth forehead, free of this accursed H. Your life not dependent on arcane technology and an uninterrupted power source. 

I don’t hate being a hologram anymore, yet I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be fully human again. To make love to him with a body of flesh and blood, not this hard-light simulacrum. To live. 

No matter. He loves me as I am. 

Ironic, isn’t it? You’re alive, yet he loves me. 

I win.


End file.
